51 and counting

I just read my post about being 45. Guess what? My husband wasn’t great. He was a petty, narcissistic, controlling jerk. There I said it. His low self-esteem, haughty, holier-than-thou attitude, hoarding and emotional abuse finally came to a head during Covid. Six months earlier, he had approached me with concerns about our marriage, i.e. “why don’t you like me?” facade. Turns out my legit complaints were NOT what he wanted to hear. Shocker. I was just supposed to fix it. Also, menopause and PMS are not real. For whatever reason I tolerated him not believing in PMS. But menopause? How is THAT not real?! I tried to clarify that I wasn’t using it as an excuse for my horrible hormonal swings but as a starting point to fix them. I was given no leeway. Because my problems were not fixed overnight, that meant I was a narcissist, and I never treated him well in the 20 years I had known him. He just hadn’t REALIZED it. 🙈🤷‍♀️ Um…. ok? What do you say to that? Add hoarding and obsession/paranoia about the government controlling us, and there was my life. Two days before Thanksgiving with guests coming from three states away, he announced our marriage was over. Two months later, after him threatening to go after full custody of our son (no grounds) and drain my accounts, I lawyered up. It was uncontested, and he didn’t even get his own lawyer. Fast forward two months, the divorce is finalized, and we are still in the same house thanks to the housing shortage. I let him keep the house. I don’t want it. I decided to build. I found a six month lease but it doesn’t start until August 1. I pay him rent that is $200 MORE than the full mortgage just so I don’t have to listen to him bitch about utilities or deal with trying to keep food separated. So, here we are, co-habitating, watching TV every night together as a “family” except tonight when he went to the bar. He told his 13 year old son to watch TV without him, but he’d be home before he went to bed. I guess I should be grateful for that? He was home at 9:30 (TV time is 9). I get that we are divorced. It’s not about that. My son was so disappointed. My heart breaks for him. What a selfish asshole. There. I said it. ☹️